I Can Identify with That!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 22:21
Posted in category Anyone Fall in Love

As your Quarry is speaking, the next step is for you to imply rapport. Let your Quarry know you understand and agree with what he or she is saying. Accomplish this by sprinkling noises or phrases of empathy, understanding, and sympathy—and occasionally your Quarry’s name—throughout your conversation.
You can make simple sounds such as “Um, hum” or a purring “mmm-mmm.” Or you can mouth supportive phrases like ”I can understand how you felt,” “I can identify with that,” “I sympathize with you,” “I can imagine,” or “I’d have done the same thing in your shoes.” Use your Quarry’s name at well-timed moments. It punctuates the conversation and serves as a potent empathizer.
Here is a conversation, slightly exaggerated, which employs empathizers and well-timed use of your Quarry’s name. Let’s say you are discussing tennis with a Potential Love Partner to whom you’ve just been introduced at a party.
Quarry: “No, I haven’t played tennis in years. I love tennis, but I broke a couple of fingers in a car accident.” You: “Oh, that’s heart-breaking [empathizer]. You must miss tennis a lot [another empathizer].”
Quarry: “Yeah, I really do. I used to play every week.”
You: “Oh, I understand how you feel [empathizer]. It’s awful to want to do something so badly and not be able to. Have you found anything to replace your tennis?”
Quarry: “As a matter of fact, yes. Now I do a lot of in-line skating. And I love it—especially the speed.”
You: “Oh, that’s great, John [using your Quarry's name]. I can identify with that because I love speed, too [more empathizers].”
Obviously you wouldn’t use empathizers in nearly every sentence, as the overanxious Hunter above did. In moderation, however, powdering your conversation with them soothes your Quarry’s ego and makes him or her want to tell you more.
A word of warning. You do not want to come across as a fawning supplicant. Good body language is your insurance policy against that. Be sure to maintain your own poise and assured body position while you empathize with your Quarry.