Why on earth would two women be writing a book about the penis? The answer is quite simple. We are both doctors working in the field of women’s health, with more than 50 years’ experience between us. Every day, we have conver¬sations with women about their most intimate problems, their anatomy and its functioning, and their relationships with their partners. Often we talk with those partners too. And, despite the fact that sex is now quite freely discussed, and that since the 1960s women’s sexuality has been lib-erated from the fear of unwanted pregnancy, we have been impressed by how often both women and men lack basic information about their bodies—about their own anatomy and how it functions. Misinformation abounds and there is certainly a dearth of good information about that most friendly male appendage, the penis.
The main thrust (ahem) of our argument is that, for most people, sex is inextricably linked with a penis—yet there is no accompanying guide book. The only source for needed information may be the media, and the information imparted—dare we say, inseminated?—may be inappro-priate or even erroneous. Our correction of this lack of accurate information is not intended to be in any way disrespectful or salacious, but rather informative, fun and titillating. Whether in marriage or in long- or short-term relationships, everyone has a need to know about the possible difficulties they or their partners may experience with the penis, so that they can be sensitive to their partners’ needs, protect themselves from possible disease and know when they or their partners need professional help.
Quite understandably, men are very fond of their penises, for which they have many slang names—including treasures (‘the family jewels’), military metaphors (bayonets and swords), terms of formal address (‘Captain!’), endearments (‘old chap’) and nicknames (Willie, Percy and Old Harry). And of course we mustn’t forget Dick, which we rather like, and which you’ll find popping up throughout our text. However, many men are curiously reluctant to openly discuss their penises in an
informational way, although they may be very quick with jokes. (Heard about the shipment of Viagra that went missing at the city docks? The police are looking for a band of hardened criminals… OK, we’ll stop right there, but you see what we mean.) Little boys (and girls) quickly learn slang names—dicky bird, teddy bear, worm, dewdrop—for the penis, although they know the correct words for all the other parts of the body, and they soon get the idea that talking about ‘that’ just isn’t ‘nice’. And after recently attending a showing of the paintings of Alice Neel, who has depicted several anatomically correct full-frontal nudes of men, as well as many other subjects, we found the men in our group were actually more impacted by the male nudes than were the women! (But then, wasn’t it men who put all those fig leaves on statues?) So this book has been written for everyone with an interest in the penis, from teenagers to nonagenarians…
Prime-time TV and mainstream movies nearly always include a sexual theme. Sex sells—after all, people are interested in it. But it follows a formula. The lights dim, violins play, and he and she sink onto the nearest bed, couch or sand dune. We might see a breast or buttock, catch a glimpse of pubic hair, but never anything remotely resembling a penis, let alone an upstanding one. Even The Full Monty was remarkable for the complete absence of its principal character. There is never any suggestion that a condom is being rolled on, or that erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation might be a problem (that’s not getting it up, and coming too quickly, respectively, and you’ll be glad to learn that it’s words like these—and not medical terms—that we try to use in this book). There are
unwritten rules for most movies that are very carefully followed, and their effect is to deny their millions of viewers knowledge about what is normal, what actually happens in real life, and what can—and does—go wrong with the penis and the way it works. The same is true of the stereotyped video clips that accompany almost all music now—easy sex, no information. Even when it comes to pornography, in magazines or on film (and let’s face it, many adults do enjoy porn from time to time, on their own or together), though the penis is well displayed, it never droops, drips or itches. And try putting the word ‘penis’ into an internet search: you will be rewarded with thousands of sites telling you how to make it bigger, but scarcely a single one on basic anatomy, or condom use, or what to do if it’s got spots on it. One important result of this dearth of accurate information is that many people, young and old, still practise unsafe sex.
This book will give you information on the anatomy and functions of the penis, conditions that affect the appearance of the penis and how these may affect a man’s partners, circumcision, hygiene, condoms, sexually transmit¬ted diseases, vasectomy, impotence, premature ejaculation, discharges, and some diseases of the penis and its appendages. It will also address some common myths, like the importance of penis size. At the end of the book, we provide as many of the slang or common usage terms as possible—nearly 400 in fact, and we have used many of these in our text. As a young woman, one of us was very embarrassed to find out that she had been using a ‘dirty’ term as slang for something else. She misunderstood the connotation in which she heard the word used and thought it referred to someone not very bright. The real meaning was an artificial penis. Hopefully, the information in this book will spare you such awkwardness!
Our husbands have intimated that this is a ‘ballsy’ undertaking for a couple of women, doctors or not, but so be it. ‘Ballsy’ women, like men with balls, need accurate information… and, yes, we will also give you some information about the ‘balls’: the scrotum and testes and epididymis. We’ll do this, whenever we can, with the help of some real-life stories from our own practices—the names and places have, of course, been changed. To give you some examples…
Craig is a first year lawyer in a large law firm. He recently met Meaghan, a receptionist at the firm, and they’ve been dating for about a month. In the past week, Craig and Meaghan have had sex several times. Meaghan is a contemporary woman and has always practised safe sex; she sweetens the deal by very sensuously putting the condom on her partner as part of foreplay. The trouble is, the last time she did this for Craig, she thought she saw some funny bumps on his penis. Sophisticated though she may think she is, Meaghan has actually had only one other partner and she feels very shy about mention-ing these bumps to Craig. She likes him a lot and she has to see him at work every day—what if he just walked out on her?
Tony and Maria are in their early thirties. They’ve been married for eight years and have two children. In her last pregnancy, Maria had blood clots in her legs and lung and she was told not to get pregnant
again. She also was told that she couldn’t take the Pill because of the clots. Both of her children were born by Caesarean section and Tony has said that now it’s his turn to have surgery—after all, it’s only a minor procedure for him. However, he just keeps putting it off—he’s heard that ‘it makes you unable to get it up’ and might cause a heart attack. Maria doesn’t want any of that to happen, but she’s also scared to death of getting pregnant again so she ‘has a headache’ almost every night. He clams up when she tries to talk with him and now they’re snarling at each other over whose turn it is to collect the kids from child-care.
Evie is 52 and has been divorced since she was 40. Last Easter, she went on a tour to the wine country and met Fred. They’ve had a really nice time ever since, but it was a kind of old-fashioned romance until last week. After an early evening concert at one of their churches, Evie and Fred stopped at Nick’s, a local bar, and had more than a few. They went back to Evie’s house and one thing led to another. Everything was great right up to the crucial moment and then Fred just couldn’t do it… He left in a hurry and hasn’t called since or taken her calls. Evie’s worried, feeling she did something wrong and maybe he found her repulsive and unat¬tractive. As for Fred, he’s just as miserable, but is too embarrassed to call her…
These and many other common scenarios will be outlined in this book and will be discussed without
stigma or embarrassment. Being based on our own experience, and on discussions with the men and women we’ve cared for, the book is largely addressed to those in heterosexual relationships, whether casual or long-term. However, we hope that much of the general information we provide will also be of interest to gay men. So for every-body aged from fifteen through to 90, whether you are the possessor of a penis or on the receiving end, whether you are young and free and out clubbing every night, or a new parent powdering a penis and wondering about circumcision, this is the book with the answers.
