Penis Enlargement

I have been fantasizing since I was 6. I’ll be 20 next month. For a short while (my senior year in high school) I was trying to rededicate my life to Christ, and I was having a really difficult time reconciling my nightly pil¬low-between-the-legs escapades with my search for higher spirituality. Then I decided to give up guilt altogether. I feel it is only human to mastur¬bate and fantasize, and it does not prevent me from treating others as I would like to be treated or loving my neighbor as myself. It probably makes me less judgmental.
In junior high I drank alcohol at social events (unchaperoned parties) but all other drugs (pot, LSD) had a big, bad No! sign in front of them in my mind. It was the same way with sex. I considered non-virgin girls as “fast” or “slutty” in the same way I considered any kind of illegal drug use only fit for losers. I was waiting until I was married because it was the “Chris¬tian,” “moral” thing to do. It was all black and white to me.
In high school I still drank, but did not do any other drugs. I had friends who smoked pot, but I didn’t consider them losers. I just didn’t understand how they could do it, and I knew it wasn’t for me. I saw girls who had sex in high school as weak. I have always been an independent person. I always say what I think, I never compromise who I am, I try never to be fake. To me that is all a part of being “strong,” and I pride myself on being strong. I saw girls having sex because it was “in.” I saw girls having sex because they needed to be validated by having a boyfriend. I saw girls having sex to prove they were grown up. I thought it was weak of girls to be having sex due to insecurities rather than desire.
I scammed in high school and as long as it didn’t get any further than his mouth on my tits and my hand on his penis I was able to look myself in the face the following morning.
I am black and most of my friends at the time were white and Asian. I am not ugly but I am overweight. So every time I tried scamming on a really cute guy and I was successful, it was like a trophy. I would love bragging to my friends about it to show “Hey, I’m not gorgeous but look what I caught!” I was with these guys to validate my own attractiveness, not out of desire. I felt bad about being weak enough to need validation from others.
When I was 18 I went to college. My girlfriends who were having sex were all telling me how different it was from anything else. They would all tell me that oral sex and petting and dry fucking are all one thing but when someone is inside of you it is so personal, so intimate that it just isn’t like those other things. I wanted to wait and give myself away to only my hus¬band, only let him see that special place inside of me (literally and figura¬tively). Secondly I realized that all the things leading up to sex are not at all on the same level as sex itself. This epiphany released me from feeling guilty about the things I did with guys short of sex. It liberated me to have more fun with guys as long as I wasn’t fucking them. Even so, as a fresh¬man I knew I wasn’t ready to fellate or to be cunninlingued.
I’ve sucked one dick since then. It was the dick of a friend of mine who lives in the same thirty-six-person cooperative as I do. The entire situation was totally comfortable. We are really good friends. He understood that I didn’t want to have sex. This allowed me to not have to hold back for fear of letting it go too far. It was also comfortable because I knew that what¬ever I did with him that night wouldn’t make me feel guilty in the morning. I was free to have as much fun with my friend as I wanted. But most of all it was comfortable because I was ready. Somewhere between freshman year and second-semester sophomore year I wanted to fellate the next guy I scammed on. I was curious about it because one of my girlfriends (one of the very few saying she did it for reasons other than his pleasure) said it gave her a total sense of power. So I was totally ready. When I sucked dick I did everything my friend said she did. I really got that sense of power she talked about. It made me hot and incredibly heady. I would purposely suck more lightly or more slowly than I knew he would like. Then I would make him beg for me to do it harder and faster. The sound of his begging was an incredible turn-on. I stopped before he came and he got on top of me again and thrusted like mad. It felt so good that the whole time I just kept think¬ing, “If dry sex is this good, real intercourse must be heaven.”
And therein lies the problem. I feel now like I am ready to have sex, emo¬tionally and maturity-wise. But I am not married or even in love. So I scam when I find a friend who I feel comfortable around who is willing.
Since my first fellating experience, power had become the main theme in my fantasies. Since I am so into being a strong person this surprises me not. Here are my two favorite fantasies having to do with power.
Fantasy number 1: maybe it is because men have traditionally had more power, but for whatever reason I get a kick out of sometimes pretending in my head that I am a guy. Sometimes it will be guys I know, Sting, David Bowie, etc. Sometimes it will be totally fictional guys. Either way, all the women are at my total beck and call. They have to do anything I say.
Fantasy number 2: the ultimate power of course is to be a deity. In this second fantasy I am a goddess in one of the ancient mother goddess-worshiping societies like in the city of Anatolia. I come down in the flesh to the awe of the citizens. I make my appearance in the temple set aside for my worship and housing my marble throne.
I stand and signal for quiet. I say, “I have come to give you many gifts of my knowledge. I will live among you like one of you, but you must respect my fleshy body and keep it from harm.
“The first gift is a chance to tap my primal waters. The men who need more insight will drink from me. Let each head of the household come forth, bringing her husbands after her.”
Now what I had with me was a drug, powder mixed in a cream. It was only effective if imbibed. And I was immune. It was a hallucinogen where hardly anyone had bad trips. It was very potent. I had put this cream in my vulva and had set the jar aside on the throne, out of sight.
The women came forward, the high priestess’s husband coming first. He was cute so I used him in a demonstration.
I beckoned him to the throne. I put my hands on his shoulders so he would kneel. My dress had buttons down the front so from my belly button down I unbuttoned. I stepped right in front of him and anxiously leaned his head into my vulva. He kissed once and the drug got into his mouth. He immediately felt pleasure and began to lick more thoroughly. The drug be¬gan to do its job. When he was so high that all he was doing was babbling about his visions, I told the high priestess to lead him down the steps of the throne and kiss him. She did and the drug got into her mouth too. She be¬gan to trip as well.
Everyone looked on in awe. Women edged their husbands forward to partake in the revelation. They bade me to take their husbands to drink of my primal waters. I arbitrarily picked the good-looking young ones.
The second one I picked was a young husband of an elder leader in Anatolia. The elder leader was honored. She bowed down at the foot of the stairs of the throne in reverence to me. Her husband bowed down as well, and when I bade him he crawled up the steps and I praised him for his humbleness.
When he reached the last step he kissed my foot saying, “This is for a blessing for my wife.” Then he kissed my other foot saying, “This is for a blessing for my wife’s children.”
Then he raised himself up to a kneeling position. He wasted no time. As soon as I stood up he was partaking. He delved his tongue eagerly into me. He swiveled over every crevice, every valley, every heated peak. I gulped and let my head fall back. He snorted, grunted and groaned as he licked even more fiercely. The drug took effect, and his hallucination just made him want more of me.
Women were bidding me now, more than ever, to pick their husbands next. I smeared some of the drug on my breasts and my yoni (ancient In¬dian word for vagina). Then I bid two women in the back of the crowd to come forth.
They and their husbands kneeled at the foot of the throne and then began to crawl up the steps. They all kissed my feet for blessings. They all kneeled in front of me, waiting. I could see the women hoped to lick me personally, rather than through their husbands. I smiled down at them.
With my foot I teased the loincloth of the cutest of the husbands. He leaned down to kiss my foot, but I wouldn’t let him. Instead I continued to tease. His erection wasted no time as he watched me lick my lips seduc¬tively. The other husband got an erection watching me tease the first hus¬band.
I stood up and the cutest one leaned towards my yoni. He held on to me and caressed my buttocks and thighs as he licked. I took the other one’s chin in my hand and raised him to my breast. I took his hand and placed his fingers on my nipple. He stimulated it with soft touches. Then he began to suck it and the drug with it. His tongue was so nice. But he only had one, so I took the chin of his wife in my other hand. I led her mouth to my other breast. I told her she and the other wife could take turns on this one breast. The two of them were into nibbling. They were wonderful.
The first husband came all over my foot. I got up and walked to the sac¬rificial altar and lay down. This gave the second husband a chance to go down on me and his wife got a breast to herself. He started by kissing my inner thighs, then working his way down. The first wife fingered my clit while he worked his tongue up to my vulva lips. He would stop and just kiss my soft, warm flesh with his lips. He would, with his tongue, retrieve cream from deep within me. My back arched, sending my breasts up far¬ther into the beckoning mouths of the wives. They engulfed my breasts and tantalized my nipples by swirling their tongues over them and tugging at them with their teeth.
The second husband then climbed up onto the altar and took off his loin¬cloth, unveiling a huge, uncircumcised, gleaming cock. The wives each grabbed one of my knees and pulled my legs into splits. Then the second husband entered me. He had a slow rhythm and he drew his cock nearly all the way out and shoved it all the way in each time. His wife was rubbing my clit up and down in time with his rhythm. Both the wives began lei¬surely licking my breasts. At this point in the fantasy I myself and the god¬dess come all over the place.