1. Put the condom on correctly. This means placing the condom on the head of the penis and then unrolling it up the erect shaft all the way to the base of the penis. Leave a little air space at the end to collect semen. Make sure that the fit is snug and free of air spaces by smooth¬ing it over the penis towards the base.
2. Never use an oil- or petroleum-based product (e.g. Vaseline) for lubrication. These allow the rubber to weaken and possibly break or leak. If you need a lubricant, use a water-based one, like KY jelly or other products advertised as personal lubricants. Poly¬urethane condoms are not adversely affected by oils.
3. Be careful not to tear the condom with your finger-nails, teeth or any other sharp object. Be especially careful if the condom is being put on with the partner’s mouth that teeth do not tear holes in the condom. (Be aware, too, that most sexually transmitted diseases can be passed from Dick to the mouth or throat of a partner performing fellatio, or oral sex. Keep the penis away from the partner’s genital area and mouth before putting on the condom because sometimes some ejaculate can leak out before orgasm.
4. After ejaculation, carefully remove the condom by holding firmly to the rolled rim of it and draw it care¬fully off the still erect penis after withdrawal from the vagina. If you wait until the penis flops, the danger of leaking semen is strong, especially if the condom falls off while still in the vagina. Be sure to dispose of the condom in such a way that no one will be exposed to the semen. A good idea is to seal it in a zip lock bag and place it in the rubbish bin.
5. Never reuse a condom. You might as well not use one at all. If you are with a new or not well-known partner, watch to see him take the condom from its unbroken wrapper.
6. Don’t use a condom if the package seems damaged or if the rubber feels brittle, sticky, is discoloured or is in any other way suspicious. Also, don’t use it if it is past its expiry date. Rubber deteriorates and you need to play it safe.
7. Take care of your condoms. Keep them stored in a cool, dry place. Heat or sunlight can damage them. Many women favour the zip compartments in purses and men tend to keep one in their wallets. Don’t keep them together with your nail clippers!
8. If you are embarrassed by going into the drug store to buy condoms, you can also buy them online or by mail. It is easy to find sources online. Be aware that if you are using a library computer for internet access, they may have a family filter that will block you accessing these sites. If so, ask a friend. Some resources are also provided at the end of this book.

Initially, Virginia was very embarrassed about buying condoms. She went to a pharmacy super-market in a distant suburb. At the checkout, she handed over her basket with aspirin, cold cream and the red packet of three condoms, fully expecting the salesgirl to wink or smirk or tell her she was too old for that sort of thing. To her great relief, none of that happened—she was just given her change and that was that. People buy condoms everywhere every day, Virginia found.

Inge discovered that she could get condoms from slot machines in the ladies’ rooms at the university and in the Students’ Union, and that all her friends did this too. She also found that her new love, Theo, was well provided with condoms and completely understanding about her need for protection. The day after he first met Inge, Theo went online on his brother’s computer and ordered a gross of condoms —he found that they are cheaper in bulk and he was planning to use lots . . . (Incidentally, Inge also followed another bit of her Mum’s advice and started on the Pill as well, for contraceptive certainty.)

Even if you are very sure you won’t be having sex it’s still a good idea to have a condom just in case, as Irene’s story shows. This especially applies to women, since it is women who experience unwanted pregnancy and women who generally suffer more severe consequences from sexually transmitted diseases. But men too need protection from STDs and the risk of unplanned pregnancy, and should be concerned about their partners’ well-being (OK guys, we hear you, we know you mostly are). Having condoms ready for when you might need them is just good sense.

In theory, both partners should always take responsibil¬ity for the use of condoms in any sexual situation, apart from committed and certain monogamy where some other form of contraception is in use, or pregnancy is wanted, and both partners are free of STDs. In practice, we know it doesn’t always work like that. It can be diffi¬cult for a young woman, or even an older one, to introduce the topic, and even more difficult to insist on condoms with a guy who doesn’t want to use them, especially if she likes him, doesn’t want to lose him and is at the beginning of a relationship. It’s best to introduce the subject very early in the piece before things get too hot and out of control. If you find it too difficult to talk about, then just produce the condom—that should make it clear: no glove, no love! And remember, if a guy doesn’t care enough about his partner to be concerned about her protection, maybe she should question whether he’s really worth it at all.

If you have never put on a condom, regardless of whether you’re male or female, it’s a good idea to practise a bit first. Well before the occasion (um) arises. If you’re male, this practice obviously can be on your own erect penis in the course of masturbation. If you’re not a penis owner, try a banana, zucchini or vegetable of your choice, following our directions above. Some enlightened schools teach this skill in Personal Development classes, where certain students have proved better at it than others (hmm). But if you didn’t take this class at your school you can always practise at home. If you know how to do it, you will feel more in control when the time does come. Women in the twenty-first century should not feel that knowing how to use condoms, and always carrying them, makes them ‘cheaper’ or ‘easier’, or that it is evidence that they are ‘asking for it’. It’s just good sense to be well prepared. And men who always have them available should be regarded by the women who have sex with them as sensible, caring guys.

There is also available a ‘female’ condom, a soft and thin polyurethane sheath that fits inside the vagina and is held by a springy ring visible at the vaginal opening. This provides reasonable protection against both pregnancy and most sexually transmitted diseases. It has the advan-tage of being able to be inserted well before any sexual activity commences and left in place for some hours after-wards. Its main disadvantage is a tendency to rustle during sex, which can be disconcerting for both partners, and we have to say it has not been wildly popular so far.