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It’s taken me half a lifetime and the writing of five books, all of which deal at least in part with sexuality, to appreciate the role masturbation plays in our lives, or might play if we weren’t so troubled about this simple, private act.
Here is the most natural thing in the world – our own […]
Continue reading " Separating Sex and Love: in Praise of Masturbation "
Historians are always looking for a new lens through which to view and understand the past. The modern history of popular sentiment toward masturbation offers a fascinating perspective on our culture. Having an idea of the depth of feeling against masturbation in general and female masturbation in particular, we may better understand why women have […]
Could the full-voiced women in this book give up the joy of masturba-tion? There is always some risk. Could men? Never. The fact that men masturbate is a given, as obvious as the penis between their legs. Mother may not like it when her little boy touches his penis; she tsk-tsks and takes his hand […]
Masturbation is a great teacher.
Alas, it’s one I did not have growing up. No one I knew admitted to masturbation or discussed it. Confused and often incorrect as our ideas on sex with boys were, the language and vocabulary of sex all by ourselves didn’t exist. Nor do I remember any punishment or words spoken […]
Men’s deals with mother influence and distort their sexual lives too, but they don’t demand the sacrifice of masturbation, of the freedom to choose whether to touch themselves or not. Indeed, masturbation was one of the best tools the man had as a boy in learning emotional separation from mother.
He may begin life in love […]
Continue reading " HOW MASTURBATION HELPS MEN SEPARATE LOVE AND SEX "
As for the girl being held and kissed in the moonlight, how is she to know that part of what she is feeling is sexual? Nothing has ever happened to her to help her single out, isolate the sexual feeling from all the other emotions and sensations racing through her adolescent mind and body. She […]
This is what the sex education textbooks call it. “I wanted to be swept away,” a sentence heard so often from women with unintended pregnancies that it has become the name of the malady.
The women whose fantasies fill this book sound like a new generation, one that is immune to the Swept Away Phenomenon. Many […]
It is important to distinguish the three levels of change: attitudes change most easily. Behavior follows at a slower pace. But our deep, unconscious feelings about what is right and wrong require generations to change, if they change at all.
We angrily deny that our own grown-up sexual behavior has anything to do with mother. As […]
What makes learning to masturbate so difficult late in life is that we have been raised to believe that the area between our legs is untouchable, dirty. We have come to loathe the sight and smell of our genitals, which are to be touched only in the process of wiping ourselves clean. It is an […]
You, the women who have encouraged me to continue thinking and writing about sex, tell me how much strength and self-knowledge you gain from your sexuality, and you say you understand the importance of masturbation. “A person’s masturbation seems so, well, ‘secret,’ “ one of you writes me. “It’s about the most intimate thing one […]
ndividual women have always tried to break out of the traditional constraints placed on women’s sexuality, but in so doing, they did not feel any kinship or solidarity with femininity as a whole. They were adventuresses, scorning other women as tame and submissive. They may have been courageous, but they were alone in their […]
Continue reading " A WORD ABOUT THE WOMEN AND THEIR FANTASIES "
Ah, the joy of seduction! To take a man, lay him down and you on top, orchestrate his sounds of slow surrender with the shifting of your weight, the forbidden, dirty words whispered in your female/mother voice, watch his gradual loss of control – no, control his loss of control – until ultimately, with the […]
Continue reading " THE GREAT SEDUCTRESS: THE POWER OF THE PLEASURE GIVER "
My fantasies are, I think, particularly liberating, as they concern being assertive. First information: Age – 29; job – middle manager for investment brokerage firm; marital status – single; education – MBA.
My fantasies really started as I moved up the corporate ladder and competed with men. With my MBA, job offers were no problem. I […]
On impulse and feeling as though I had nothing to lose, I gave my fantasy to my fantasy man to read.
Before giving it to him I explained that it was only my fantasy, and hoped that he would not be angry or upset with me after reading it. With a big, wide grin on his […]
I am 22 years old, a college graduate (business), single, divorced al-ready, but living happily with my boyfriend.
Just about ten minutes ago I settled myself at my desk, scooched down in my chair, put my right arm down by my side and under the desk, pulled my blue jeans skirt over to the right side […]
My strongest reactions to your book Men in Love came when I read the last chapter – I suddenly started crying. I was surprised since I am a psychiatric social worker with many years of therapy, etc. Why was I crying?
Well, for one thing, I am furious at having been a virgin so long myself. […]
I would like to explain some of the details of my job as it is richly in-volved in the major part of my sex life and fantasies.
I’m a 27-year-old white, college-educated female. Although I care for my husband and we are relatively happy, I consider him just a friend. He is a chemist, and although […]
I am 25, single, live alone and have had few relationships with men, none of which have been good, and I’ve never orgasmed with a man unless I did it (masturbated during sex). I have much hope, though, that I will get into a caring, mutual, trusting, fun relationship that will be sexually fulfilling and […]
I am 21 years old. My steady boyfriend and I are both third year university students. We have been seeing each other for one year and plan to be married within the next three years.
To begin with, our sex life is wonderful. We have sex as often as we can. To tell you the truth, […]
I’m 34; married thirteen years; with 3 daughters. I’m a survey technician (land surveying) and I work exclusively with men. I’ve found that macho men are indeed rare and that most men want to be liked. I’ve found that a warm smile and a word or two melt down the most tough “macho.” I like […]
I just read my first book of yours, Men in Love. What sweet, sensual beings the men appear through their fantasies, when they seem worse prudes than women in reality.
I’m 32, white, middle class, and live in my hometown, a city in the Southwest. I have a master’s degree, a dull, secure professional job. I […]
I’m a 25-year-old black girl, middle class and single. I spent a wonderful summer with Derek, a man a year older than I. He’s going to be married now, but I still think about him a lot. I sometimes fantasize about having sex with him in unusual places.
At the Metropolitan Opera House, in the parking […]
I am a WASP female, 33 years old, an only child, with classes in psy-chology. I am five feet six with a pretty face, an okay body and very nice legs. I’ve never been married or even been asked. I’ve had only one lover (in secret) because my family (conservative) is very much against sex […]
I’ve had sexual fantasies as long as I can remember, and had my first memorable arousal while playing with the water hose at age four. From that pleasant surprise I progressed to water play in the tub, but was aware from the start that my parents would disapprove. They are still very prudish and give […]
A man enjoys lying on a woman’s breast. Being held, suckled, even ba¬bied, the staunchest man may relax his iron control and allow himself to be lulled back to an infantile time that has a special, primitive sexual pleasure. A woman would like to hold him longer, enjoying from her side the thrill of power, […]
I am 43 years old, in the process of divorcing my husband of twenty-two years, and the mother of three children.
I have a master’s degree in a health profession and am working on a sec¬ond master’s in neurosciences (behavioral-experimental psych.). A large area of interest is in journalism, photography, graphic arts.
I seldom masturbate anymore, see […]
I’m 19, a college psychology major and honor student, fairly attractive (I get a lot of second looks, whistles, and propositions) but not stunning. I plan to be a sex therapist and I’m also a feminist, but I believe men have much to gain also by pursuing equality for the sexes, and I don’t like […]
I’m 30, single, and crazy about men.
About four years ago, I had a boyfriend who liked to wear my night-gowns to bed. I enjoyed pleasing him by cooperating, and bought him his own in a size large enough to fit him well. It also sparked my own latent interest in the “kinky” – it was […]
I am a 26-year-old housewife with a science degree, two children and a husband I adore. My husband is a petroleum geologist and often spends months on and at an oil-rig site.
Recently I wanted desperately to have sex with my husband, but he was away, so I sat down and wrote him a play-by-play of […]
A few years ago I was, literally, a different person. I like to think my story is a metaphor for what so many women face today. My story starts with me as a teaching nun, yes, a nun! I was teaching in a Catholic junior high. I had a strict Catholic upbringing and the decision […]
How did women keep themselves small for so long, lower their voices, shorten their steps, compress their emotional selves into the stereotypical Nice Girl?
Yes, I can understand the temperamentally quiet, undemanding woman finding this livable, but what of her more demonstrative, assertive sister, who would rather lead than follow?
Since I was there in an earlier […]
I’ve been called an enigma, and though it makes me feel defensive I think it’s true. I am a hodgepodge of a woman, 34 years old, following her own plan at her own pace. There’s nothing wrong with it but it bewilders the people around me. I understand their bewilderment. I buried myself deep within […]
I have been fantasizing since I was 6. I’ll be 20 next month. For a short while (my senior year in high school) I was trying to rededicate my life to Christ, and I was having a really difficult time reconciling my nightly pil¬low-between-the-legs escapades with my search for higher spirituality. Then I decided to […]
I am a 19-year-old college student. I am single and I live at home with my mother and father, two sisters, and one brother. I had intercourse for the first time when I was 13 years old and I have had only fourteen differ¬ent sexual partners since then. It seems that in the past year […]
I am a 20-year-old junior at a private Catholic university, fourth in a family of five children, and the essence of innocence and purity to my fam¬ily and most of my friends. Recently at school, while my friends and I were all a little drunk, we started to talk about our sexual experiences. Everyone was […]
I’m 18 and single, a virgin, a college student, and live at home. You might say that I’ve lived a sheltered life – not strict, though. My mother died when I was 6 years old and my father raised me and my brothers and sisters by himself. My dad wasn’t overly strict, though we all […]
I’m 19, soon to be 20, living at home, white, middle class, with one year of college behind me. I come from a broken household (both parents remar¬ried), living under my mother’s roof. Under my mother’s roof there is a lot of unspoken sexual guilt combined with my mother’s outspoken “no.” Since I was 17, […]
I am 21 and single. The way I was raised, I always was (and still am) in¬timidated by men and the (apparent) freedoms they have in their lives. Re¬cently I’ve realized the differences and similarities between my mother and myself. She and her older sister raised their children under the pretext that they should be […]
I love reading your books before I go to sleep. It totally relaxes me and sometimes creates quite pleasant dreams.
I am a single, 20-year-old female. I was raised a Catholic, and I still at-tend church when I can, yet I don’t believe in everything the Roman Catho¬lic church does (like the ruling about surrogate mothers, […]
I am 45 years old, have been happily married for twenty-one years and have two children, 19 and 14. I met my husband at the age of 22 years, and he was the first and only man I have ever had sexual relations with. I had been frigid all my life (it took me many […]
The angry voices of the women in this section are long overdue, and I welcome their appearance, these embittered females – yes, even the sadists. It is time we acknowledged that some women are as mean and cruel as some men. Continuing the fiction that women are the loving ones while men alone are the […]
Sometimes a book is published, in this case a review of a book, that says it all. Nothing much came of Love, Envy and Competition Between Women you probably never heard of it – but the book, along with the woman who gave it a positive review, waved a bright red flag at me. Speaking […]
I am a 26-year-old single female, raised by my parents to think sex was not for nice girls. I have had limited sexual experience, and feel a certain anger toward men. I am a heterosexual and enjoy looking at pictures of the nude male or taking my own.
My fantasy has always been to dominate my […]
Let me start with a brief autobiography. I am 27 years old, single, (but not for long), have three years of college, am white, Catholic, and work in the medical field. I was born in San Francisco to immigrant parents. My father died when I was 3 years old, and my mother never remarried or […]
I am 23, single, and have lived alone for the past two years, since moving out of my lover’s place. I do not remember anything sexual when I was a child. I lost my virginity with my best friend, and he with me, when we were 15. We had a wonderful time trying to figure […]
I have two special fantasies but first I’ll tell you about myself. I am 16 and still a virgin. I am proud I am a virgin. A friend “spent” hers on a piece of trash and I’m not about to do the same. Still, there is a certain guy who I would like to lose […]
I am 29 years old, married happily with four children ages 9 to 2.
I’ve never shared my fantasies with anyone, not even my husband. I re¬gard my fantasies as mine – my own little world apart from reality. If I shared them with my husband, I feel they would not be mine to control and […]
I’m a 21-year-old college girl with Old World parents. My mother doesn’t approve of my dating an American guy, not even a college student; as a result, I’ve never had a relationship with a guy, or even enjoyed a guy’s company. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to.
There is this American guy who sits […]
Here goes re my background: Age – 22. Schooling – high school; I took courses in child care, home etc., etc. Marital status – single. Employment – I have had many, many brief jobs. Right now I run a nursery at church, and I baby-sit for two families.
Other notes: I am the oldest of three […]
I am a 21-year-old married woman from a lower-middle-class back-ground. I have had three and a half years of college and limited office work experience. I am now unemployed, being seven and a half months pregnant with my first child.
I was raised in an environment where any form of sexuality was re-pressed in a completely […]
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